Doubts
by Dragonflys-Girl
Summary: Sequel to Releases ... Tony & Kate coping with what happened in unSEALed


Title: Doubts  
  
Author: Claudia J. Chan (Claudie)  
  
Genre: Somewhat Angst and Definitely Romance (Tony / Kate... or, to go with what seems to be a popular fandom shorthand, TATE)  
  
Archive: So far, it's only on fanfiction.net. There is something I need to do with my website before it's gonna be working nicely again... stupid me...  
  
Spoilers: unSEALed – a missing scene kinda thing, actually... this is intended to be a sequel to my previous story Release... but you should be okay to read this alone...  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, but I'd like to consider this plot my own little imagination... *grin*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I'm going to see what Abby has for us," Gibbs announces when we get out of the van. "Tony, take Kate home to change."  
  
I murmur a "yes, Boss" when he walks away. Kate, on the other hand, hasn't muttered a word except for answering Gibbs' questions.  
  
Once I'm sure Gibbs is out of sight, I turn toward her. She is still standing beside the van, fingering her badge in her hand. Oh no. I don't like what I think she is thinking.  
  
I'm not so sure how much Gibbs knows about my relationship with Kate. There are times when I think he is giving us space to be together while either of us seems to be extremely upset, like now. I'm not going to flaunt the relationship in front of him though, especially knowing how he feels about romance between agents. Also, I like my privacy with the woman in my life.  
  
I walk up to her, and she hasn't given indication of knowing I'm near her. Without a word, I pull her into my arms. She struggles a little, but I hold on tight. I don't care that we're in the headquarters' parking lot and we might be spotted. I have to hold her; I have to know that she is really here.  
  
This is the second time in two months that I've felt so helpless when knowing she's being held against her will. I have to convince myself that she is really fine.  
  
She is pulling away again, and I'm not letting her go. No, I want her in my arms. I almost went crazy at the crime scene. She avoided me entirely, and I was sent to work the other scene with McGee before I could see for myself she was alright. Now that I have her in my arms, I won't let her go until I know she is absolutely alright, at least physically.  
  
"Tony," she mutters against my chest.  
  
"You scared me to death, you know that?" I murmur against her hair, dropping kisses in her hair and rest my cheek on the top of her head. It is only now when I can smell her perfume around me that I relax and my heart stops beating furiously.  
  
"I'm a failure, Tony," she finally murmurs. I can feel some moisture on my shirt. Holding her tighter to me – if that is at all possible – I try to give her the strength, and hope that my love is enough to calm her and stop her from doing something drastic.  
  
This reminds me of when Kate and I started, on the rooftop that night after she was held hostage by Ari the terrorist that still haunts us today. Our conversation on the rooftop that night, about failures, about what should have been done, about regrets...  
  
Kate is constantly on alert after that incident, although she tries to hide it. Sometime she shudders just from me hugging her close and savouring the feeling of having her bodies against mine. Of course I never mention any of these to her, or she will just chalk it up as another one of the long line of failures she constantly reminds herself of.  
  
"How many more chance will Gibbs be willing to give me?" she asks me after a while. Oh no, that train of thoughts again. Sometimes, Kate believes that everything that's gone wrong is her wrongdoings.  
  
"Kate, you did nothing wrong," I says, trying to comfort her, to reassure her.  
  
"I was a trained secret service agent for goodness' sake. How can I let him slip up on me so easily?"  
  
"There wasn't anything you could have done," I insist. "Nothing, you hear me? You did all you could, and hey, you managed to shoot that guy. That's something, isn't it?"  
  
She sees my attempts to lighten her mood, and she rewards me with a ghost of her smile. My heart aches for her, and I pull her in close again and plant a kiss on her forehead.  
  
"You know, Caitlin Todd," I declare, still holding her close to me, "you are one of the bravest and best agents I know."  
  
"Thanks," she seems to be accepting what I said. Hopefully, she really believes that.  
  
"Come on," I pull away, dropping my hand to her waist and propel her to walk toward my car, "We're getting you home."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" Gibbs says with what can only be interpreted as a smirk on his face. Finally, after a long draining day, there is a breakthrough – and I'm proud to be the one to have spotted it.  
  
"I don't know, boss. Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" I ask him back smugly.  
  
"Yea," he grins when he moves toward his desk as he decodes our cryptic conversation. "Her lover wasn't Foley. It was his wife."  
  
"So, what do we do now?" Kate asks, a little thrown off by the new direction this case is taking. I shoot her a worried glance subtly but she evades. "We need to get there before Curtin makes a move, and he may be there right now as we speak."  
  
"We can't prove anything though," McGee, acting as the voice of reasoning in the team, stutters. "Those are only our speculation."  
  
"And if we station right outside of Foley's house, he's going to know and it's not going to help us get him," Kate finishes his thought. She is up to something; I can tell by the way she's shifting her weight from one foot to another. And I know chances are I won't like what she has up her sleeves.  
  
"Nope," Gibbs shakes his head, his eyes focus on Kate. "Kate?"  
  
"I'll go pose as Foley's wife," Kate declares after a while.  
  
My head shots up quickly and I stare at her in disbelief. Has she lost her mind? Posing as someone who's going to get killed?  
  
"Kate," I start to protest. If she thinks I'm going to let her pull a stunt like that, she's greatly mistaken.  
  
"Tony, do you have a better way to handle the situation?" she shots me a warning glare. Her eyes, on the other hand, give out a different message: Let me do this. I need to redeem myself.  
  
I shake my head slowly. No, this is too dangerous. I don't think my heart can handle that. What if we're too late? What if Curtin gets to her before we can stop him? What if ...  
  
Sometimes I loath Kate's independence and her need to project a strong front. Just this morning, when she had been held hostage the second time in two months, she acted as if nothing is bothering her and proceeds as usual. She is still in distress though, I can tell, and I'm sure it hasn't fooled the experienced eyes of our boss, but he understands that feeling too well to call her on it.  
  
"Kate, are you sure you want to do this?" I sigh in relief when Gibbs sides with me.  
  
"Yes," she stubbornly nods, and I want to strangle her. I would have walked up to her and kiss some sense into her had Gibbs and McGee not been in the room. "I'm a trained agent, Gibbs. I am not defenseless. He shouldn't have gotten away in the first place. I want to handle this, and I honestly can't think of a better way to get him."  
  
I can see when Gibbs gives in to her argument. I know I have lost. There is no way I can argue now that she has made up her mind and has Gibbs' acquiescence.  
  
"Well, what are you guys waiting for?" Gibbs asks when he rounds his desk and makes way to the elevator. "Let's go."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I watch nervously with Gibbs inside the bathroom. Mrs. Foley is with us in the there. Kate is now dressed up in the sexiest red lingerie I've seen in the bedroom, making herself an open target for Curtin's revenge.  
  
I shudder when I hear the glass of the front door breaks downstairs then force myself to focus again on Kate in the room.  
  
There is no way she can wear any protection with what she has on. I swallow hard. If he decides to just shoot her from the doorway, then ...  
  
I bit back the groan when Kate sits down on the side of the bed and start rubbing lotion on herself, first her forearms, then her inner thighs. From the reflection of the window, I can see Curtin hovering in the bedroom's doorway.  
  
My heart jumps when Curtin makes his entrance to the bedroom to Kate's seemingly oblivious form. I know she is aware of the man approaching her, but still, I can't hold my fear. I'll definitely let her know what I'm thinking when this fiasco is all finished.  
  
"I think you have something of mine," she says when she turns around with the gun pointed at Curtin behind her. I don't care anymore and barge out of my hiding.  
  
"Put your hands behind your back, interlock your fingers," I order, my gun drawn and pointing at him. I look aside to see if Kate's alright, and after she gives a very subtle nod of her head, I proceed to handcuff him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I volunteered to clean up the Foleys' bedroom once Curtin was ready to be escorted to the brig and Mrs. Foley to be taken back for interrogation. Gibbs seemed slightly surprised by my offer, but he took it up without asking anymore question. Again, I wonder if he really knows about Kate and I.  
  
Kate emerges from the bathroom when I'm done cleaning up and hands me back my jacket: I've put it on her the moment after I made sure Curtin wouldn't be going anywhere soon.  
  
I wrap my arms around her again, trapping her against my body as I did this morning. This time, instead of fighting me, she leans in, and I sigh with relief.  
  
"How are you holding up?" I ask her, speaking mostly to the top of her head as she buries her face into my chest. I hold her tighter.  
  
"Better than this morning," she murmurs.  
  
"Kate," I pull back slightly and look into her eyes. "Promise me one thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't ever do something like that again," I says, almost choking on the memories of the emotions and panic I felt during her little charade. "I was so scared I almost didn't know how to function. Promise me don't ever do something like that again."  
  
"Tony, this is our job. We're agents."  
  
"I know," I nod. "But promise me; don't scare me like that ever again if you can help it."  
  
I feel her nodding against my chest and drop a kiss in her hair.  
  
"So," she pulls back a little, this time with a slight grin on her face; the mischievous glint I love so much slowly makes its way back into her eyes. "You like the red number I put on?"  
  
I gulp at the teasing tone she uses. "Oh yea," I groan when she smirks at the huskiness of my voice. "You have something like that at home?" 


End file.
